Father’s Day

Its the most wonderful time of the year, when dads are not fussing, but mothers are cussing…..ah Fathers Day!!!!. This might be a longer one. First off Happy Fathers Day to anyone reading this….unless your a mom. Then again if your a single mama doing it yourself…well HAPPY FATHERS DAY! I have a few names to run through. If anyone read the about me page you already know I have two dads, I also have children with two different men. So lets get started

Father William

So here is the background relationship on my biological father William. He and his step-brother made a poor choice went to a party they were not welcomed to, while drunk. They went back and got shot guns to scare the people not letting them in. Well his brother was supposed to shoot in the air and shot into the house….killing two girls. My father was the planner of the situation and ended up doing more time….even though he didn’t kill them physically. He has been incarcerated for 25 years, he has been out since last April. Don’t worry I read the police report and court files and all that jazz. There is obviously more charges and more to it on a play by play, just for your sake I am shortening it. So 25 years and we wrote letters since I was able to till I was 16 and my dad joined a white supremacy group. My mother of course at the time tried to explain to me that people in prison act different…like their life depended on it. I was not okay with that….so I refused to write him back and talk to him….till I was older. So now years later I have a biracial child and I was so worried about it. My father loves him…race is not an issue. It is still something we have never talked about because over the years he has written me asking why I wouldn’t write back. It really doesn’t matter to him though….after not seeing me since I was 11 he was ecstatic to hug me. So your probably like wait you said five….well my grandpa, grandma and brother went and seen him once in prison.

My father that I never really knew is the sweetest man. He is of courses on parole, but he refuses to touch alcohol after 25 years, he doesn’t smoke anymore obviously. He is addicted to working and earning things that he lost. He has realized that privilege’s can be taken away from you ask quickly as it is given. So now he is on the straight and narrow, and we are communicating more. Its really not as much as I want….but he is a grown man that is just trying to live his best life. His kids are all grown…there is nothing left for him to teach us. Love is all we need from him right now to repair those broken hearts that he left me and my siblings with. So to the man that had made poor choices in his life to leave me without him at the age of five…I love you. You are not the man I knew when I was five, but we are getting to know each other.

Father Daniel

Daniel is my step-father. My mother and him have never actually been married but he has been there since I was seven…and now I am 31. Him and my mother have had their ups and downs, a lot of it to deal with how childish he can be. There were five of us kids she definitely did not need another one…a bigger more expensive one. This man raised us kids on tough love, his childhood was mildly fucked up with his own father leaving and his step dad being tough on him. We felt as children that we were a burden to him that he didn’t love us. An we always told him he was not our real dad, and that we hated him. I as a child loved him as I grew older and seen what a dick he was…I didn’t like him so much. I grew up with the people he hung out with which were thief’s, liars, womanizers’, and just dicks also. As a child his friends terrorized me…which was why I was never home. Him and my mom fought a lot about us, money and whatever else he had to cry about that day.

As an adult though I now love him. Even though he hung out with some very questionable people it taught me a lot. I am honest, I do not steal, and I have never nor will I ever let a man treat me like shit. I have grown to be a stronger person from the childhood I had. I am an independent, kind, feisty, loving person. I am also quick tempered, my heart hurts easily even being strong. He put me through what I felt like was hell for years. Looking back though he did some stupid shit, but he was a child…raising five children that he did not have to. He also has done some amazing things. When I went to college he would come visit me when he was on the road, just to make sure I was doing okay. He would fix my car if I needed help with it. In 2014 I lost my first son and he paid for the funeral, not all of it but for a majority. So there are things he has done that out weigh some of the stupid things that were done. To the man that put me through Hell as a child you have made me a stronger, wiser, soft hearted person. An I will always love and thank you for that.

I hope to all a good fathers day!!!

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