Welcome back readers!!!! I just want to say that I know my blog is not reaching everyone. It is reaching enough to know that what I write is being read. I just want to say thank you to those that are reading this and taking in somewhat of what I am saying. I had a friend reading blog reach out to me about a dilemma they were having that I have touched on in one of my blogs. To you thank you very much for reaching out and trying to let me help you. I know that sometimes it is hard for us to reach out for information or for some type of support. Most people are strong, embarrassed or think others do not care. Please, please do not think this.
If you need emotion support, if you need physical support or just questions answered please do not hesitate to ask someone for help. As embarrassing as some as you think some of these things are they can get worse. I just wanted to throw a shout out to the person reaching out to me for a form of information and help. Again thank you for reading my blog!!!!
Welcome back people!! Sorry a lot going on in life, kids keeping me busy. So I just wanted to let everyone know even though there are not a lot of you that I will be trying a Podcast!! My cousin suggested it…she was more leaning towards videos, but I am not ready to put my face out there as of yet. Still you can hear my sweet sedative high pitch child like voice. I am not really sure what the podcast will be about, probably about family they irritate me but I still love them. So look forward to my podcast I will be posting a link to it on my Blog. Love you my followers!!!
Hey you all. I am back from my mental break down ready and refreshed for some more stories in your life. Recently my last post was about me saying how much my family asks me to do, and me having enough. Well after talking to my husband about my whole meltdown we came to some conclusions…and experimentation into the lives of kids.lol
So Chris and me had a conversation about how overwhelmed I am with the kids always asking for things. Then we got on the subject of what he doesn’t have to do because they ask me for everything. His solution for this was to tell them to ask him. Ask dad for everything that they would ask me for. He said give it a month and we will see how it goes. I told him I dont think he realizes what type of questions they ask me all day…or what they ask me for. He said no its fine, just tell them to ask me. People this started the day after my Taking part I. An I am about to tell you right now moms…my stress level is down…and he is like what the fuck.
I have a few examples. Unless they are asking for food for meals they have to ask dad. Things such as ” Hey mom can we go to the park.” an then I say ask Chris or dad depending on who I am talking to. An the little ones are like but hes not here…and then there are meltdowns….so for them I may say yes or no. The bigger ones who are fully capable of making decisions and calling their dad have to. Kait wanted to go to her grandmas house and asked me if it was okay. I said call your dad, she says if he says its okay can I go. I said you have to call him first and then he has to tell me yes or no. She did not like that….not at all. The reason being is my husband is at work, he’s not going to message her back right away. An that pisses them off like no other. They want an answer right now…they don’t want to wait…and they have to and its deterring them from asking me small stupid things such as what is for dinner? How to microwave ramen? Do you think we can get McDonalds for dinner?
When my husband gets home from work I definitely make the little kids ask Chris for everything before I or he gets it. An I found this to be funny, and not funny. Chris was going to order pizza the one night and he said just let me know when you guys are hungry. Ben told me he was hungry so I told him to go tell dad. Apparently he ran outside seen his dad talking to one of his friends and ran back inside. Ben is two…he is very very smart for being two though. Normally he would tell his dad he was hungry, when other people are around he doesn’t really know he is shy. So Ben starts playing with toys….then he comes back to me ten minutes later crying he is hungry. An I get up and go outside yelling what the hell is going on. Ben is crying that he’s hungry…did he not come out here and tell your he was hungry? Apparently he did not….so sometimes the asking dad stuff does not work.
Along with this I was talking to my cousin who offered up solutions to me mostly always being with the kids. She suggested one weekend as a family doing whatever we may do. A weekend for me and my husband to do what we want to do with no kids. Then we each should have a weekend too ourselves without anyone. Here is the thing we have five kids. One is almost always working and she is the oldest…the only one really capable of watching kids for a long period of time. Chris’s mom is another person that would watch them…if she wasn’t on 12’s most of the time. My sister will take one kid…but cannot take them all. So we have limited options so we have to plan accordingly to do these things. Example being this Saturday we are going to stay at a friends camper for the night. Go fishing Sunday morning and then come home.
So if you are a mother or a father and feel like you need a break from one another or your kids take it. So one weekend as a family, one together, and one from everyone. It is okay to take breaks in life….don’t abandon all hope. Life is hard sometimes we need a break…and I know older generations also didn’t get a break…but if you look at the world now compared to then….so much different. Take the time you need as a parent before you get all overwhelmed and stressed. Have your partner help you if you are feeling overwhelmed….they should be there to help you too.
I don’t know what parent needs to hear this or spouse….or anyone for that matter. Some people are takers, and some people are givers. This is just how the world works….and it’s unfortunate. Me…I like to think I’m a giver…my husband may not see it that way because I don’t give him sex when he wants it. Sucks to be him….sometimes after giving all day you just don’t want to anymore.
My kids are takers….and most children are. An this is not to say most kids are not nice, and polite, or caring. I’m saying kids take alot from their parents though. They take alot of time, they take alot of patience, they take alot of sleep, worry…you see where I’m getting here. Kids are alot of work…an I love my kids….but sometimes someday they take too much from me. Mom I need something to drink….even though I am physically capable of getting it myself, mom I need you to take me to work because I didn’t use time management well and will be late. Mom I need worms to go fishing. Mom I need you to help me find my favorite stuffed animal I cannot sleep without. Mom do you know where my fishing pole is….even though I had it last. Mom I need to be irrational over a red cup you gave me. Mom I want to play the video game for an extra hour. Mom…mom…mom.
I don’t know what people think stay at home moms do but they can f- off. I am up from eight in the morning to midnight. I get up with me kids feed them and turn on cartoons before I even get to pee, brush my teeth or have coffee. I listen to them fight over games, fight over toys, fight over fucking food. They fight about things others did they fight about what others didn’t do. I pick up my house a million times a day. I change kids million times a day. I feed them lunch that they may refuse to eat because I’m not thier mom so they don’t have to listen to me. I fight with them the rest of the day. We stand in corners, we get our butts whooped, older children remain hidden so not having to help so can take a shit without the little one getting into something. I do laundry can’t run the dryer it’s hot as fuck in our house with no air. Have to hang the clothes on the line…it’s alot of work but people are like your mom it’s your job. I sweep the carpets everyday because my dog and cat are finally losing their winter coat……black hair everywhere you walk. I make dinner now…yes now. If I said all the time I would be lieing and my husband would yell at me for it.
I give these kids alot I give them clean clothes, I give them food, I give them toys, I give them freedom to make choices that were never given to me. I give them alot. It’s not just my children same applys to my husband. I give my kids everything they need so they don’t have to ask him after he has worked all day. An it wouldn’t matter because he rarely will do it without a hey go ask your mom comment. My daughter could not get a bag of frozen food open and my husband refused to help her. An I lost my shit on her and asked if she was retarded. No not my finest moment as a parent….and I did exactly what my husband does when he’s mad me lashing out at others. I mean I was upset with her because she is fifteen…I opened the bag in two seconds….is it really that hard….why do I need to do it. After all fucking day of doing this…why could he just not do it for her. She is a good kid….but yes she takes alot also…..I don’t think any of these kids relies what they are taking.
I am tired. I am beaten…I am defeated. I have given and given and given these last few months at home, and I feel like I’m losing mind. I get as a parent you take care of your kids…any you all may not see this as then taking anything from me….but I feel as a mom and a wife I am taken for granted. I am in my room crying right now…. because I have given my all today and the day before and the week and the month….and I AM TIRED!!!!! I am trying to get away from the takers…. because givers need breaks sometimes….My husband had the audacity to say that I was acting wrong…that I have been. Seriously….be a parent that gives all I do. An yes I know he does things he says you cannot even imagine the things I do for you guys. I know what he does….he goes to work. I went to work once too…I know what that is like as well. If you read my blog I DON’T WANT HIS JOB, you would see what my schedule was like. An I had to do all the same shit I was doing with a job except cook dinner when I was working obviously. Some nights I would scrape together premade food for them so it wasn’t kids starving whining. I have more time now….but my kids since I’m home also take more from me now. I don’t get a break, I don’t get a moment of quiet. If I’m not with the kids I’m with my husband apparently acting weird.
When the hell is it my time to get…..when is that going to happen..when am I going to get a moment where my kids are not screaming? At nap time, bed time? No because then there is the almost every night fight about something with the bread winner. Something to do with kids, or how he’s tired because I worked hard and I say I know…in actuality he lets me know I don’t. I have not a fucking clue what he does for this family. Well apparently he had no clue what I do either. I am struggling here not just as a mother or a wife….but as a person. I deal with some deep shit on a daily basis. An I feel like help is not something I get alot and I’d I ask for it I feel bad. Like I’m doing something wrong asking for help from my husband or older kids….it’s an inconvenience. They will say it’s not….but huffing and puffing and body language go a long way.
I don’t care what anyone has to say about me. I give, I have my whole life….I give my all when I set my mind to it. I give myself to my kids all the time…if I go out if feel bad. I also feel and because my husband brings it up on a dailey basis if I did something with out kids…and he never gets to. He also sits outside after dinner…chain smoking and drinking. An only gets up when he hears me screaming because it’s driving him nuts. I have to ask him to help me do things and when I get attitude like the kids give me, I just say never mind. Right now I am in my room in the dark upset. Today took a toll on me…and no one ever sees it…I don’t let them…so that’s my fault. I had a moment and lost it with Kait. What really topped it off is my two year old came up and head butted me in the gut. Today was a lot. Alot of kids today asking for things and not willing to help me in return. I haven’t bathed in three days now….I haven’t slept for shit, I’m starving myself to lose weight and dreaming about food for God sake. Right now I’m not okay. Today was my breaking day. Today was the I have had enough day. I am tired, I am upset, I am hurt, and I am beaten and defeated.
Octavia here bringing you another interesting/ non-interesting story. About four months ago we had to start redoing our bathroom. It was necessary after my husband had water shooting out of the handle of the hot and cold water. So listen to this small story before I continue with the reason for blog today. A little back story on how this all got started.
Four months ago I had to quit my job due to the tole it had on me and my body. My husbands mother was watching our kids while I worked second shift at the hospital. Me working second shift and him working first was not fun. My routine was get up at 6:00 a.m. get some coffee started, then wake kids up around 6:30 a.m. Well after a bit sweet Kait started getting the boys up so I could sleep longer. At 6:40 we were eating breakfast and getting dressed. Four kids out the door sometimes five when we had Emmett. Leave the house around 7:20 a.m. drive 30 minutes to get Kait to jazz band practice by 7:50 a.m. Then drop Rhys off at school by or before 8:00 a.m., then drop Rhian off five minutes later. Drive back home 30 minutes. Wait till 2:00p.m. drive thirty minutes to Chris’s moms house to drop Benji off. Talk to his mom and step dad for 10 to 15 minutes go to work. Clock in at 3:00 p.m. work till 11:30 p.m. drive thirty minutes home. Be home by midnight stay up with my husband for a a while go to bed around 1 a.m. and then start the day all over again. This was getting very old on both ends. My husband would get our kids around 6:30 p.m. and they would eat at 7 o’clock most nights then bed at 8 o’clock. This shit was getting old on both ends. Having four to five hours of sleep everyday and not wanting to do shit with my two year old Benj. Falling asleep on the couch and him getting into things was not my idea of fun. I was tired all the time and felt like a horrible parent. Covid fucked our world up at the hospital. We lost people working extra shifts and doing extra things we were killing ourselves. This though is for another story.
Background on why I quit. On to the bathroom remodel which is the project I started after I quit work. We had a stand up shower….well the shower was leaking all over the floor. I figured it was do to the shower caulk being bad and falling off at the base. So my husband said get all the old caulk out and we will put new in. So I do this and then notice that the valve is leaking where you turn the water on and off. I’m like hey babe cant caulk the shower if this thing is leaking….and he says yep I will fix it. We had one of those stand up showers with the one knob to turn it to hot or cold. Well the screw was stripped so we had take the knob off and replace the screw. Picture this people!!! He goes to tighten the right screw one and it breaks because it is all rusted out from water damage. He gets the old screw out and replaces it with a new one. He goes to the left one….. goes to tighten it with his screw gun….Boom!!! The the shower nozzle piece busts off and water is shooting out everywhere. My husband is in the bathroom screaming and I thought he like hurt himself. Imagine a fire hydrants when they open them into the road how far and hard it sprays….. it was everywhere people. He comes flying out of the bathroom soaked and runs downstairs to the basement to shut off the water lines. Much to his surprise he is turning off water lines everywhere in the house….except the bathroom. So we are yelling downstairs saying its still coming out. He goes to the main shut off and the handle twist off because its so rusted. It gets better next he has to crawl under our house. We own a house built in the 1890’s so the bathroom was probable just a small poarch….so there is a crawl space for the house….he jumps in there to finally turns off the water. He comes back upstairs covered in mud….Kait and I are laughing so hard. I wanted to take a picture but he was already calling us dicks for laughing at him. I cleaned up all the water and he was like guess we are redoing the bathroom.
Now that we got that fun story out of the way…we are still redoing the bathroom. I started by taking the shower out and then Chris had to remove the base. The floor was squishy from water damage. We knew it was getting damaged because the spout was leaking but we really didn’t know how bad it was till the shower walls came off.
After taking apart the shower paneling we knew the walls had to go as well.
I didn’t get pictures of the other walls but they were just as bad as the picture about. I also did not get pictures of the floor, they were definitely rotted out though the tile was coming right off the floor. After pulling some tile off with my hands you could feel how squishy the floor was in some spots. This was not just from the water that busted out of our shower….this has been a process over years that was never fixed properly. The worst of it was that the support beams in our house were half the size that they were when this add on was built. Now we had a few options at this point. We could buy new support beams. A steel support beam could cost anywhere from 1500 and up. A wood support beam could cost 900 or up for what we needed. Not just one beam but two….so imaging how pissed we were to find this out….but hey….this women had an idea. I know nothing about building stuff but the internet is filled with vast knowledge. I put in a quick search google looking for alternative ways to fix or replace. First we made the support beams supportable by bracing together the wood to the old beams….making them wider and with more support beam. This obviously is not a correct way to do this…so do not take my advice on fixing support beams. It worked for us….but we didn’t actually need to replace the whole beam since only the half under the shower to where the tile was is rotted out. He braced the beams to make them stronger in the corners. Whoever built this addition did not take the time to make sure things were done properly. Once that was done replaced the flooring and then started making plans for what was next.
Our bathroom would cost us anywhere from 5,000 to 8,000 for someone to come in to do it is costing us like 3,000. Yeah my husband is dope as shit. The man has been installing flooring since he was 14 years old. He started off in his grandfathers store just doing carpet and linoleum. He said for the last 15 years he has been doing tile, self taught. I asked him how that possible. He said when someone says I have 250 houses that need tiled bathrooms and you want to make over 85 thousand a year you learn. So the man learned how to do tile in Florida in a big housing development. An he is good at it. He is precise, he is fast, he has layouts in his head that look good. Apparently he does plumbing too. Chris moved pipes in our bathroom to better accommodate what he had in store for the bathroom. Which was a not a big issue because whoever did the plumbing in the house had it so messed up. The man says sometimes you have to be a plumber on the job for customers…and that’s okay….he doesn’t mind.
My husband has grand visions for these things….this is his job. He not only lays flooring, he builds showers for a living in lake houses, single family homes, dorms. You name it he does it. So he envisions how the lay out is going to work and I get to help assisting with the colors and whatever else I am capable of. So far we have the floor laid in the bathroom, and half the shower. Let me tell you something about being an installer….this shit is for the birds. I have a seriously new found appreciation for what he does…it really wouldn’t seem that hard laying tile. Thing is though you need to measure twice cut once baby. Oh but then he explains to me that we need to use a wet saw to cut the tile it makes it easier. I didn’t use the thing its seriously like a table saw but it has water running up to it to allow the tile to be cute with out chipping or breaking. He says most people have bathrooms on the second story….imaging not cutting enough off and missing your mark. You have to run all the way back downstairs to cut it, then all the way back upstairs to put it on the wall. An its not like you can just cut them all the same….especially if you want to do certain patterns. I carried boxes of tile in for my husband. Each box weights about 75 lbs. I carried in four boxes…and I’m dying. Yes laugh if you will but those things are fuckin heavy. I did the grunt work.
He is holding these ten pound tiles in his hand slapping on mud, and just with ease putting then on the wall. Um I feel sorry for his help also….because if I wasn’t his wife he would have killed me for some of the things I did. He told me to make him some more mud….it was four o’clock he wanted to finish up the four or five tiles he had left. I’m going to tell you right now when your husband say fill the bucked up about a 1/8th of the inch full of water….you listen. Okay ladies and gents. I’m not sure if you know this because I did not….it makes a shit ton of mud. You want a nice thick consistency….thicker then cake or brownie mix. Like when you don’t add enough water or oil and your brownies are thick….that’s how you want your mud. Well so you see what happened is I sort of filled it almost half full. We don’t want the bucket that full when we only have four or five tiles left to lay.
We still have a lot of bathroom to finish. Still need to put the shower head in nozzle in. Vanity needs to go in the right space. Also we now have to call the city to get our water shut off at the road so that we can fix our main shut off valve and the pipe that goes to the sink….that’s broke as well.
Just so you all know those little wedges on the wall are wedges…they are wedged into spacers to keep your lines nice and straight. These little tiny black pieces cost $75 for a box of 200. You may think hey that’s a sweet deal….but its not. The bathrooms that my husband does usually takes more then 200 spacers. Also apparently they are shipped from Italy…so yeah super expensive. You can get cheaper one around your area, my husband just say these one work the best. This is our shower in the making. Putting the pipes and tub in. Making the wall, then tiling it the floor and the walls and the shower.
Lesson to be learned from this so far. Get a inspection!!! We did not we really didn’t have a choice we were looking for a place to live for six months and needed something for all of our kid. So we bought a house…if we got an inspection we never would have bought the house. Make sure when your doing a home project you consult professionals if you don’t know what you are doing. Map out what you are willing to spend on a project like this. Also when your husband tells you 1/8th the way full….you better fucking listen!
Stay tune…we may not have it finished anytime soon…..so please keep reading to see the final bathroom!!! Octavia signing off.
Hey Everyone I just thought I should up date you on the bug problem. We have fleas……yeah not bedbugs. I thought it was important to tell you because my cousin was reading the blog and wanted to know….so there you go.
Octavia here!!! I am sure everyone has had to have some talk with their children about privilege . What does this word mean? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary privilege is defined as a right or immunity granted as a particular benefit, advantage or favor. My children are privileged they are more privileged then most. They have cell phones, game systems, laptops, expensive instruments, loads of toys. They get to do a lot of what they want at any given time. Along with this the have a house live in , food on the table, running water to brush their teeth. Now you as a parent may be like the second is a necessity, well not all parents are able or willing to provide those things to their children. I am more focused on the items they have and the things they get to do in life.
My 15 year old ( Kait) and 12 year old ( Rhian) have the privilege of going to a school thirty minutes from our house. Now let me explain. We moved thirty minutes from where we lived last year. We do have schools in this community that we live in that they can go to. We kept them all in the same school because they were already enrolled, and I worked in the area still. There was also a promise made that they could attend this school from their dad. These kids were moved from school to school every year due to mom wanting to move for jobs or because of treatments. Their mom had Breast Cancer at the time and passed away in 2017. Their father told them they wouldn’t have to switch schools again, which leads us to a deeper conversation.
I want to say almost a month ago our Kait and Rhian got into a fight. Okay no big deal siblings fight it happens when you have an age difference. Well what ended up happening is while attending a band concert that Kait was in Rhian was not being behaved. After Kait and her friends wanted to take pictures and Rhian was getting impatient like little brothers do. Kait and her band friends came up with the idea to get ice cream and while trying to get Rhian in the car he ran away. He didn’t want to be near his sister she was acting like a jerk to him. Well she left him and went and got ice cream with her friends. The kids were staying at Chris’s ( husband) moms house because she lives were they go to school. We got a call from Chris’s mom freaking out that Rhian had walked to here house alone and he had fell and broke his phone. She then proceeded to tell us it took him 30 minutes to walk home from the middle school where the concert was to her house. This walk only takes 10 to 15 minutes and should have not taken this long. The kids were staying at her house that night because the concert was so late.
Now here is the thing Rhian did not fall and break his phone…..he threw it because his sister had pissed him off. Now running away from people is his thing, when he’s mad her runs from you and breaks things. So they were not getting alone, they caused Sidney( Chris’s mom ) a lot of grief. She asked them to do one simple thing, stay together and walk home together. It really shouldn’t be that hard right. Well with teens and preteens they make life more complicated with their drama then they need to. With that being said they are on dad probation. This means they are on a probation period where they have to be nice to each other. The deal is if they get three strikes they cannot go to the school they have been going to and they have to transfer to the one closer to our home. Chris’s theory is that Kait will be able to drive soon and can drive them back and forth from school. If they cannot get along how are they going to be able to ride in a car together? So they are on probation were they have to be nice to one another and if my husband catches them not being they are getting a strike.
These two do not think this if fair. Let me say that I believe it is beyond fair. He is giving them an opportunity to show they can be nice to one another. They have to earn the right to go to the school they have been going to. See they think just because he said they could stay at the school that they have the right to. They don’t get along though. Imagine the two of them in the car, Rhian getting mad and trying to jump out of the car…..cant see it well I can. They now have to earn the right to go there and they think it is massively unfair. Well they are learning that sometimes life is unfair and if you want something bad enough you have to work for it.
We cater to our children so much. An yes they act the way they act because we allowed them to think they had rights to things. In all actuality they have only rights to food in their mouths, clothes on their backs, and a roof over their heads. I feel that as a parent I treat my children so much differently then what I was treated as a child. I would have never argued with my parents if they said we were moving. It was not a choice as a kid, if we moved counties you went to that school. So as much as my children don’t think they are privileged they sure as hell are then most kids. Do you think your kids feel privileged….that they think they have the right to do what they want? Just think about how your kids are raised. Are they appreciative of the things they get or the things we do for them? Feel free to comment or tell a story of your own. Octavia out ladies and gents!!!!!
Its the most wonderful time of the year, when dads are not fussing, but mothers are cussing…..ah Fathers Day!!!!. This might be a longer one. First off Happy Fathers Day to anyone reading this….unless your a mom. Then again if your a single mama doing it yourself…well HAPPY FATHERS DAY! I have a few names to run through. If anyone read the about me page you already know I have two dads, I also have children with two different men. So lets get started
So here is the background relationship on my biological father William. He and his step-brother made a poor choice went to a party they were not welcomed to, while drunk. They went back and got shot guns to scare the people not letting them in. Well his brother was supposed to shoot in the air and shot into the house….killing two girls. My father was the planner of the situation and ended up doing more time….even though he didn’t kill them physically. He has been incarcerated for 25 years, he has been out since last April. Don’t worry I read the police report and court files and all that jazz. There is obviously more charges and more to it on a play by play, just for your sake I am shortening it. So 25 years and we wrote letters since I was able to till I was 16 and my dad joined a white supremacy group. My mother of course at the time tried to explain to me that people in prison act different…like their life depended on it. I was not okay with that….so I refused to write him back and talk to him….till I was older. So now years later I have a biracial child and I was so worried about it. My father loves him…race is not an issue. It is still something we have never talked about because over the years he has written me asking why I wouldn’t write back. It really doesn’t matter to him though….after not seeing me since I was 11 he was ecstatic to hug me. So your probably like wait you said five….well my grandpa, grandma and brother went and seen him once in prison.
My father that I never really knew is the sweetest man. He is of courses on parole, but he refuses to touch alcohol after 25 years, he doesn’t smoke anymore obviously. He is addicted to working and earning things that he lost. He has realized that privilege’s can be taken away from you ask quickly as it is given. So now he is on the straight and narrow, and we are communicating more. Its really not as much as I want….but he is a grown man that is just trying to live his best life. His kids are all grown…there is nothing left for him to teach us. Love is all we need from him right now to repair those broken hearts that he left me and my siblings with. So to the man that had made poor choices in his life to leave me without him at the age of five…I love you. You are not the man I knew when I was five, but we are getting to know each other.
Daniel is my step-father. My mother and him have never actually been married but he has been there since I was seven…and now I am 31. Him and my mother have had their ups and downs, a lot of it to deal with how childish he can be. There were five of us kids she definitely did not need another one…a bigger more expensive one. This man raised us kids on tough love, his childhood was mildly fucked up with his own father leaving and his step dad being tough on him. We felt as children that we were a burden to him that he didn’t love us. An we always told him he was not our real dad, and that we hated him. I as a child loved him as I grew older and seen what a dick he was…I didn’t like him so much. I grew up with the people he hung out with which were thief’s, liars, womanizers’, and just dicks also. As a child his friends terrorized me…which was why I was never home. Him and my mom fought a lot about us, money and whatever else he had to cry about that day.
As an adult though I now love him. Even though he hung out with some very questionable people it taught me a lot. I am honest, I do not steal, and I have never nor will I ever let a man treat me like shit. I have grown to be a stronger person from the childhood I had. I am an independent, kind, feisty, loving person. I am also quick tempered, my heart hurts easily even being strong. He put me through what I felt like was hell for years. Looking back though he did some stupid shit, but he was a child…raising five children that he did not have to. He also has done some amazing things. When I went to college he would come visit me when he was on the road, just to make sure I was doing okay. He would fix my car if I needed help with it. In 2014 I lost my first son and he paid for the funeral, not all of it but for a majority. So there are things he has done that out weigh some of the stupid things that were done. To the man that put me through Hell as a child you have made me a stronger, wiser, soft hearted person. An I will always love and thank you for that.